loving myself enough to know what i deserve

there was a time when i thought love was something to earn—something i had to chase, prove, or bargain for. i believed that if i worked hard enough to be agreeable, if i bent my edges just right, someone would finally stay. it took years, and more heartbreaks than i care to count, to understand that love—real love—doesn’t ask me to disappear to be worthy.

at thirty-six, i finally see that loving myself is not a luxury. it’s survival. it’s clarity. it’s the quiet, stubborn belief that i deserve relationships that honor the person i am, not the version someone else imagines.

loving myself looks like this:

listening to my own needs. i no longer confuse silence with peace. i know when i need space, when i need a voice to echo back, when i need rest. i listen, and i respond with care.

setting boundaries. not as a wall, but as a line of respect. boundaries keep love healthy; they tell the world how i expect to be treated and how i will treat others.

releasing what harms. i’ve learned to walk away from people who drain more than they give. i don’t label it cruelty or weakness; it’s simply choosing my own well-being.


when you love yourself enough, you stop chasing the almosts. you stop entertaining those who appear only when it’s easy. you stop shrinking to fit someone else’s comfort. you begin to see that partnership—whether friendship or romance—should feel like home, not a test.

self-love isn’t a loud declaration; it’s in the quiet choices. it’s saying no without apology. it’s savoring your own company and knowing you are whole even when the room is empty. it’s understanding that your worth is not defined by who texts back, who stays, or who notices.

i used to believe love was a prize, and i was the competitor. now i know it’s a meeting place for two whole people who respect each other’s wholeness. loving myself has given me the courage to wait for that, and to walk away from anything less.

if you’re in the middle of learning this, be gentle with yourself. it’s not easy to unlearn the urge to settle. it’s not simple to believe you are enough without proof. but every time you choose yourself—every time you say i deserve better—you build a life that reflects your value.

loving me means i no longer beg for crumbs when i can bake my own bread. i don’t stand in doorways hoping to be chosen; i open doors for people who choose me, fully, freely, without conditions. and in that space, love stops being a performance and becomes a partnership.

so here i stand—clear-eyed, open-hearted—knowing that the love i deserve begins with the love i give myself.

with ink + bloom, 🌻